A glimse into my grief
and growth.

It's been said that when you lose a parent, you gain membership into a club that no one wants to be a part of. Based on experience, I know this to be true.

​For 3-4 years after my mother's passing, I struggled with an inability to express what I was feeling and what I was going through. Even when I was able to identify something that I needed, something that might help me manage the responsibilities that were left behind, I couldn't find my voice to say it aloud. And, worse... Who would I say it to? 

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Compartmentalization is how I survived. I did it so well, in fact, that everyone thought I was okay. Some people even complimented me on how well I was handling things. The truth is, I wasn't handling anything - at all. 

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It was in 2021 that I began to feel a spiritual pull to share the truth of what I'd been struggling with. I'd felt so alone after losing my mother, and I really didn't have anyone to talk to about it. I knew that if I felt that way, there had to be others who felt the same.

I wanted to become a resource that someone like me needed.

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So, I started telling my story. With each post, whether it was a video or written words, I felt that lump in my throat get just a little bit smaller. Not necessarily smaller in a sense that I was able to request the things that I needed from those around me... Because honestly... I'm still working on that. However, as I continued to speak aloud into the camera, I began to feel less invisible to myself. I was finally able to have the more difficult and important conversations, in the mirror.

What I've discovered is that the more we strive to be a blessing to others, the more we bless ourselves. I'd like to think that my mother, who had the heart of a servant, would be grateful that her passing led me to this place. Even though she's not here to hold my hand, her God-given wisdom was left here to continue to help guide my steps.

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All that said, as I continue to walk in my own grief journey, I have come to discover that there is such a thing as good grief. Good grief makes us count our blessings when we're tempted to count our losses. And it's in great mourning that we ultimately recognize the favor of a love so deeply felt, that its absence demands to be acknowledged. ​​​