ALL OR NOTHING

I’ve been thinking a lot about how badly we want to get everything done especially when something means a lot to us. But there’s an old saying: if you try to do everything, you usually end up doing nothing.

Grief has a way of making that feel even more real.

Your mind is everywhere. You feel like you’re doing a lot, thinking a lot, planning a lot… but your focus just isn’t there. You’re scattered. Pulled in different directions. And somehow, even with all that effort, it can still feel like nothing truly got done.

April 24th was my mom’s birthday.

I had a whole plan. A full list. I was going to eat her favorite foods, drink her favorite drinks, shop at her favorite stores—and to top it off, I wanted to find someone in need and bless them with a meal.

I was determined to do it all.

And while I did get some of it done, along with a few things around the house God had other plans.

While running errands, and ironically picking up a book on empathy, I noticed a woman sitting near the side of the road, right in the middle of heavy traffic. She was near what looked like a small shrine, reflecting. Someone else was standing with her, and honestly, the inconvenience of the traffic alone would’ve made most people keep going.

But something in me wouldn’t let it go.

I felt God tugging at me to turn around.

So I did.

By the time I found a place to park and got out of my car, she was walking up the sidewalk toward me; alone now. That was my moment.

I introduced myself and briefly shared what I do as a grief guide and advocate. I told her I didn’t want to interrupt her day, but I felt led to check on her and offer support if she needed it.

At that moment, she wasn’t crying. And I’ll be honest, I felt a little awkward. Like maybe I had misread the situation.

But I followed through anyway.

When I shared that I understood grief because of my own loss, and that it was actually my mom’s birthday, and I couldn’t spend it with her, something shifted.

She broke down.

Tears came, heavy and real. The kind you can’t hold back.

She told me about her brother. He had been killed in a motorcycle accident just days before. The pain was fresh. Raw. Full of “what ifs” and “if only's.”

I didn’t try to fix it. I didn’t rush her.

I just listened.

I asked if I could give her a hug, and when I did, I could feel the weight of her grief. She was shaking, completely overwhelmed in that moment.

We stood there, two strangers connected by loss.

After she had a moment to process, I shared my condolences and gave her my information, letting her know she could reach out anytime. I checked on her the next day, and she sent me a beautiful picture of her brother and thanked me for the prayers.

I’ll continue to check on her gently of course, without pressure...just to remind her she’s not alone.

Wow, Then I realized something:

I didn’t complete my list!

But I did exactly what I was supposed to do.

Sometimes we get so caught up trying to do everything, especially in moments tied to grief, memory, or love that we miss what truly matters.

Or we think we’ve missed it.

But when we allow God to lead, even when it interrupts our plans, the most important things still get done.

Maybe not everything.

But the right things.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed… if your mind feels scattered… if your list feels unfinished…

Give yourself grace.

You don’t have to do it all.

Just be willing to follow where you’re led.

Because sometimes the most meaningful moments aren’t planned, they’re placed.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2

Or simply:

“Mourn with those who mourn.” — Romans 12:15